You are responsible for your life

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.” Wayne Dyer

“You are responsible for your own life”. Your whole life will change when you understand and accept this basic principle of happiness and success. We always blame other people or situations for whatever bad happen to us.

I was not born with the golden spoon or my dad didn’t help me or I am screwed because of my wife, you must have heard these statements many times or might have spoken also. Many times we also get lost in the dream world where we try to change our past and imagine our current improved life. What a waste of time? We all know that we can’t change our past. The only thing we can change is our present and through which we can make our better future.

I read this short story somewhere and I liked it very much. “In an office everybody was very disappointed with their appraisals. After sometime their boss came and told them that there is a picture of a guy in the canteen, who is responsible for your bad appraisals. Everybody went to the canteen in anger to find out who is that guy. To everybody’s surprise there was a big mirror and everybody saw their own image in that”. So why do people blame others for their life, because it is easier to blame others, rather than taking the responsibility. It is easier to blame others, but is it going to solve your problem.

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”

Person who takes the complete responsibility of his life always experience joy and control of circumstances. He knows that he has the power and he is the only one who can make his life better. We become helpless when we are dependent on others. We keep on waiting for situation to change, whereas responsible people change the situation. They are able to make decisions, because they know that there are only responsible for their decisions.

Even when situation is not in under control, you can at least control your reaction. You can make a situation either a disaster or you can use it as an opportunity to learn, to grow and to become a better person. It is not your fault that you were born in a poor family, but you are a looser if you didn’t take any action to become rich.  Can you imagine what would have happened if Bill gates had this thought “Hey, I was born in a family of farmer. I can’t become the richest person in the world”

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”  Mahatma Gandhi

How to take the responsibility of your life?

The most important aspect of taking responsibility is that your life is the result of choices made by you. No one else can live your life.

  • Stop giving excuses all the time. Do not blame the fast food for your over weight, it is you who chose to ate that.
  • Observe what you say. Whenever you find that you are blaming others, stop for a moment and rephrase your sentence by adding “ I am responsible”
  • If a person whom you respect says that you give excuses and blame others, accept the feedback seriously. Stop your defensive attitude and understand the issue in depth.
  • Start taking the responsibility of your small actions first. Life is made up of each day and not just the big events sometime in the future. If you reach late in the office, do not blame the traffic. Instead take the responsibility and work hard to fulfil for the lost time.

“Responsibility is the price of greatness.”Winston Churchill

I know it is very difficult to do this because of our old belief system, but there are many benefits to it.

  • You can take better decisions when you know that you are responsible for them.
  • Your self esteem and self confidence increase because you know that you control your own life.
  • Taking actions becomes your habit and not just onetime event. New options become available for you.
  • You also start getting the respect from others. World only respect those who take the charge of their own life and becomes the winners.

Taking responsibility does not mean feeling guilty whole life about your mistakes. It is about learning from your mistakes and not to repeat them again. So from today stop the self defeating behavior and take the charge of your life and become the successful and happy person.

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It’s all about loving yourself

We spend our whole life in search of love from others. We wish that true love will find us and that special love will change our life. If you don’t find the love then you fall into the valley of emptiness and feel lost. We always tell our mind that if I get true love then, I will be the happiest person on the earth. Actually it works the other way round. You need to love yourself to get love from others and you need to love yourself to give love to others. How can we give something to others which we do not have.

Many emotional problems come because of the lack of self love.  Depressed people think that they are not worthy to live in this world. They hate themselves and because of which they take the option of suicide. I agree that sometimes circumstances make you feel worthless, but if you truly love yourself then you can face any situation in life.

“Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers”Veronica A. Shoffstall

Normally lack of self love comes from two ways, what others tell you about yourself and what you tell about yourself. We have very deep impact of what others tell us about our self, especially our friends and family. In the childhood if you repeatedly hear from your parents that you are very bad and you are not worthy of anybody’s love then your entire life goes with that belief. After some time, you also start telling the same story to yourself. Guilt is also the biggest enemy of love. You might have done something wrong in the past because of which you cannot forgive yourself. Let bygones be bygones, we need to start to live in the present. Do not repeat those negative karmas and forget about all those negative beliefs about yourself. Start loving yourself and start telling yourself a new story that “I Love Myself”

“Had we not loved ourselves at all, we could never have been obliged to love anything. So that self-love is the basis of all love”Thomas Traherne

To love yourself also means to accept yourself as you are. It means to give you respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance. Please keep in mind that it does not mean being arrogant, egoistic and think that you are better than anyone else. It just means to give pure love to you and to others. We need to understand that no one is perfect except God. We all have strengths and weaknesses and we should work to improve our self. We all are unique and has specific talents and abilities to offer. We all are here in this world to serve a purpose. We can only know our true purpose on our life when we start radiating love to our self and to others. You do not need approval from others to love yourself.

“To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now”Alan Cohen

Self loving people always keep happiness as their priority. They feel fun and enjoyment in everything they do. You always want to be in their company. You feel peace and harmony with them. They radiate love to everybody all the time. As a child we always loved our self but as time pass on we start creating negative beliefs like we are not good or we are losers, etc. Children know at birth that they are loved by God or are accepted by the Universe. Why do we forget such a great truth when we grow up?

“Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror”Byron Katie

Let’s do an exercise through which you will come to know how much you love yourself. Louise Hay, the author of bestselling book “You can heal your life” gave us a very good exercise called “The mirror exercise”. Go to the mirror in your house and tell these words “I love you (Your name), I love you very much”. What do you feel? Do you feel good or you feel resistance or some bad memories flashes on your mind?  Mirror has a great power; it shows you what you are. It just does not show you how you look, but it also shows you how you feel about yourself. Even if you are not good looking, but if you love yourself then you will feel good when you see yourself in the mirror. Just imagine how you will feel when you look in the mirror that the face looking back at you is someone you truly love. This is a very good exercise to improve your self-esteem. Every morning just after you wake up, go to the mirror and repeat the golden words “I love you, I love you very much” Believe me your entire day will go with full of energy and you will feel wonderful because you start your day with the most amazing feeling, Love.

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.

Oscar Wilde.

Some more exercise to find self love.

  • Create a success notebook. Start making the list of all your successes instead of failures. Give pat on your back whenever you do something good.
  • Take good care of your physical body. Everyday do some kind of exercises. E.g.: Yoga, Gym, Martial arts.
  • Stop criticizing yourself. Transform your inner critics to your inner coach.
  • Take the responsibility of your mistake and learn from that instead of feeling guilty.
  • Take out some time to do things you love. E.g.: Buy a guitar for yourself and don’t think that you are not young enough to learn that.
  • Sometime treat yourself with luxurious things. If you like watches then gift yourself a Rolex watch on your birthday.

Always remember that you are special.

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How Positive thinking works

“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day”. 

“Think positive and everything will be fine” This is the most told and the best advice ever given to us. Do you really believe that it works? Why do people tell us to think positively? What difference does it make to our life or our problems? Just hang on there and I will answer your questions.

Positive thinking is not a hypothetical concept, but it is a proven science. Study has shown that positive attitude impacts all the aspects of your life. The logic is simple. Thought comes before action.

Before you eat, you think that you are hungry and you want to eat. Before you walk, you think and decide mentally that you want to move from place A to place B. So thinking is base of all your action. To make your base strong, you need to have strong positive thinking.

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”
Henry Ford

The most common thing between all the successful people in the world are that they thought that they can get success. Most of them didn’t know how they will achieve success, but they knew they will. They were successful inside before they became outside. Who has more chance to win? One who thinks that he stands no chance or one who thinks that he can win?

Positive thinking is not a onetime event; it’s a practice of lifetime. It is a thinking pattern we develop over a period of time. So how do we do it? Try this exercise every day. Put a reminder in your mobile for every hour till the time you are awake and whenever it rings just ask yourself what you are thinking now? Is it a positive or negative thought? Is it helping me or it is destroying me? If you come to know that you have negative thoughts, then intentionally think something positive, something which makes you happy. Think about the happiest moments of your life or think that you have achieved your dreams or be just grateful for every good thing you have in life.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winston Churchill

Thinking in a positive way can change your entire life. Your perception towards everything changes. Can you imagine how would it be when you only see good in everything? It is just like admiring the beauty of rose instead of complaining about thorns. It is just like thinking that glass is half full instead of glass is half empty.  World is beautiful, we just need to develop positive way to see it. They say that life is too short; I would say it is short for negative thinkers. People who think positively lives and enjoy every moment of their life. Your world becomes what you think.

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All about Goal setting

Few years back, we had training on motivation in my previous organization. The trainer was in his late sixty but he was full of energy. It was a refreshing training with some theory and some games. The most inspiring thing happened at the end of the training when the trainer gave me his visiting card. There were three blank lines at the back of his card. He told me to write my three most important goals at the back of the card with the dates I wanted to achieve them.

I always had goals in my mind but never wrote it down and that too with the dates. I did it just for fun. I wrote about House, New job with good salary and bike with the dates i wanted them. I kept the card in my purse and looked at it frequently.  After few years I read that card and was surprised to see that I achieved all the goals. The completion date was not exactly the same but it was close one.

After above incident, I read some books on goal setting and did some research on the internet.  I found that all the successful people always knew what they wanted. It is found that people who successfully implement goals and work strategically to ensure that they meet their goals often experience more success in their performances throughout life. Goal setting helps us in staying focus on what we want in our life. According to me goal setting create your pathway to success. Below are some guidelines.

1 – The most important thing is that the goal should be something you really want and not something that sounds good.

 It is the burning desire which keeps you motivated in all ups and down of life. After finishing my graduation the next challenge was MBA degree.  I chose correspondence course which was difficult with the hectic job but I wanted to finish it in two years. I set my goals of MBA with the desired date. I used to read the goal at the time of exams which used to remind me that I don’t have any other option than to clear this. As expected I cleared my MBA in two years.

2. Write your goal in detail.

It is very important that you specify each and every details of your goal. For exa: if your goal is to buy certain house, write down its specifics in colorful detail- the location, landscaping, furniture and floor plan. If possible get the picture of house.

3. Write your goal in the following areas.

Financial and Career – Exa: – By January 2012, I will be earning $10,000a month.

Family and free time-   Exa: – In June 2012, I will go to Italy with my wife on a vacation.

Health and appearance- Exa: – I will be at my ideal weight of 60kg by June 2011.

Relationship goals – Exa: – I will re-establish communication with old friends by August 2011.

Personal Growth – I will read books on self help every month from may 2011

Ethical and making difference in society – I will donate 5% of my income for charitable work from June 2011. 

Setting goals in each area of life will ensure a more balanced life as you begin to examine and change the fundamentals of everyday living.

4. Write your goal in the positive instead of the negative.

Work for what you want, not for what you do not want. This instruction might sound stupid but our mind has habit of thinking negative. Exa:- I do not want to be poor instead of I want to be rich.

5. Decide goal for long term and short term.

First write down goals for long term say five years from now and then write short term goals to achieve your five years goal. For exa: If your five year goal is to become Vice president of the company and currently you are at an analyst level then your short term goals should be to become manager in one year and then AVP in three years.

6. Make sure your goal is high enough to give you challenge.

I always believed that if you will work for car then you will at least get a bike. Always aim high so that when you achieve them you become the happiest person on the earth. Those feelings will keep you going.

Your goals are written down.  So now what?

Please share your goals with your close ones. Do not think they will laugh at you. They might help you on your goals and become your companion on your way to success. Read your goals everyday and visualize the end result every night before going to sleep.  Our mind thinks of the last thought we have before going to sleep. Mind will give you all the solutions needed.

Last but not the least; keep your most important goals in your pocket. Read it daily whenever you have spare time and visualize the end result. This will stop your mind from wandering everywhere and you will be focus on your main goals.

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